JH (",)

Forget

He looked out at the sky. The sky, blue and dotted with pure, white clouds, were are contradiction to his feelings. He felt dark inside. Black. Thunder. Lightning. And it was not only today that he felt that way. Everyday, he would sit on the chair and his feelings would become down and melancholic. The feelings suffocate him, stuff him, engulf him like what he is feeling right now. At every moment, he would feel like crying. A few times he did, but most of the time he would never let the tears flow down. He knows that it is over. Nothing can be changed. From the day that she started to ignore him, he was thrown into his own world of darkness.

He knew he had to give up. He knew he could not go on like this, trying to win her back. But he knew he tried to forget her. He tried every kind of method to kill her off his memory, wipe her out. But nothing seemed to work. She just stayed, like a relentless pest, and nothing could drive her out. She literally was going to drive him crazy. He could not stand up from this defeat. In all his years of sprinting in his track and field team, this was the first time that he could not pick himself up from a fall. This was a fall that he could never recover from.

He remembered the times where they were still together. Third of February, he could still remember. His ex-classmates organized a birthday party at the East Coast Chalet for him. That day they played, ran, and laughed happily. He always glimpsed at her, searching for the smile which he always loved to see.

Fourth of February, that day was his birthday. He wanted to pop the question to her, the question that he already asked her several times. But he knew that this time was different. He knew that he was going to make it this time. He could still remember very clearly of what happened that day. He was sitting on the massage chair in his grandmother’s room. He slipped his phone out of his pocket, then he typed in, “Can I ask you a question?”

She replied, “What?”

He was nervous. “Actually, you should already know what it is le.”

He was scared of a rejection, but the reply was, “I dunno how to say this, but just think yourself.. Who do I sms everytime?”

His heart skipped a beat. “So.. it means that you agreed?”
“Dunno. =P”

From that day onwards, he was always optimistic. Anytime that he felt unhappy, he would tell her. And at the start it was okay. But he could never bring the courage to talk to her when they met again. Seemed that after he popped the question, they unwittingly created a invisble barrier between them. They started to float apart, letting the distance between them widen. He could not do anything to salvage the situation. Then it finally came. She told him that she wanted to stop it. He did not want to stop. But nothing he said could make her change her mind. He was depressed. He wanted to do something about it, but he could not rack his brains to think about anything. Then he realised something that he did not realise previously. She never once agreed to be with him. In the first place, she said she was not sure. He could not assume that it was a yes. No wonder she started to ignore his messages.

But then, he thought, she should have had made it clear. She should not have led him on blindly thinking that she was willing. She should have told him from the very start that she did not want it. This was the thing that made him sad, or angry, or both. It was the fact that she never made it clear to him, letting him live on believing that she had accepted him, giving him false hope.
She told him that she dropped hints. But he never realised them. Maybe the hints were done too half-heartedly. But he did not care. What was important was that she hurt him.
But, alas, it was all over. It still came back to same point after so much time wasted. It was back to a square one, and it could not go back. He never blamed her, and he knew that it was for the good for the both parties.

Third of November, he told himself that he had to forget her. He tried, and whether he did succeed or not, its for you to guess.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------EDIT: He did not. And he is trying to make things go back.